Deep Thoughts Delivered Deftly

-Rush was called racist for saying Donovan McNabb was overrated, but no one bats an eye when Mike Malloy jokes about a former VP eating Jewish and Muslim babies. Either America just holds conservatives to a higher standard, or there really are some advantages to having a show no one listens to.
-Do novas ever look back at their lives and wish they'd done that little bit extra in order to be super?
-If I ever run for Congress, this will definitely be my campaign song.
-We always talk about bipartisanship in America without ever getting anywhere, but maybe there is one thing Democrats and Republicans can agree on. None of us like Arlen Specter.
-Would anyone be as scared of H1N1 if it were called "puppy flu"?
-If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, was the platypus designed by the US Senate?
-If you catch someone cooking meth while driving on the freeway, I say let them keep it. Frying their brain is obviously no longer a danger.
-Yes, please tell men that chemical attacks will now cause women to remove their bras. That will end well.
-Skeptics of evolution sometimes ask, "If we descended from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?" This shows an obvious ignorance about evolution, which posits that both humans and monkeys are descended from a common ancestor named James Carville.
-Cute critters!
-At the rate Barack Obama is changing public sentiment about the GOP, he may go down as the most successful Republican president ever.